In between my first India blog and this second, Mumbai 26/11 happened. Hundreds of innocent and lovely people have been slaughtered by a handful of barbarians for no reason, purpose or sense.

Animals kill for a reason. I wonder what species carry such barbarity in their womb, feed and raise such that would kill so many without remorse. They are not humans and they surely aren’t animal. India is being attacked by a new monstrous species that are intent on destroying humanity.

India has been at a stand still last four days and we have all felt paralyzed and helpless.

Even though terror attacks happen almost every three months in India, this one has been particularly breathtaking and audacious. Amidst outpouring of nationalist sentiment, I am feeling sad. It has been one of the saddest times to be an Indian in my lifetime.

I, Indian, ask if I can be proud of India. I ask why we, the Indians, the original civilization, endowed since millenia with virtues of peace, generosity, kindness, courage and tolerance have lost control of our destiny to such imbeciles who run our country for us. Corrupt, incompetent, indecent, illiterate and greedy  politicians make me not want to love India.  Why we, the worlds’ most peace loving and non-violent people  get subjected to such barbarity by a handful of cowards so often. What is the purpose of India it provides no security to Indians and cannot fight back when attacked. Why is India if it can neither defend nor feed hundreds of millions. I wonder if it is India that is flawed and failed or are we, the Indians, a flawed and failed people.

I believe we have given away all responsibility for maintaining a nation that was conceived in great virtue in the hands of thugs. We have failed as Indians in our prime duty to nurture this young nation. As individuals many of us have achieved and prospered in many ways but as a nation we have failed. It is not a time when I feel proud of myself as an Indian or as a son and citizen of India.

The embarrassments of India start at the top. The leaders of this country - elected by us - appear to have a deep revulsion for this country and disrespect for its citizens otherwise they would not show such antipathy toward India and Indians. Most Indians are just fine with that. We must take blame and all responsibility for allowing such disgraceful men and women to rule India. Our airwaves are ruled by imbeciles who talk without breath or sense, without meaning or purpose such nonsense that it is an abomination to watch Indian cable news or listen to nation’s radio. The angst and frustration of traditional mass media that expresses the indignation of a large mass of people is pointless and un-harnessed. This anger will be gone in a few days, surrendered on the altar or personal egos, small favors and petty politicking, or the next tragedy. Two pillars of Indian nation - our democratic institutions and media - are in shambles. Where Indians can, they sustain this nation with their lives even when they do not have to. Indian blood is bled too hastily and too unhesitatingly. The executive, judiciary and military are fighting to keep their head up with enormous sacrifice in the decay around and within them and the strain is showing. The decency of India has been invaded and violated by its own chosen representatives while the safety and sanctity of the country is being molested each day by a small bunch of rogues that no village would tolerate in this time and age. India tolerates these monsters knowing fully well where they breed and breathe and as an Indian that is my worst embarrassment that we cannot eliminate this threat.

What is left of India then if no security and sovereignty – millions of square miles of land with garbage littered around being poisoned every second. Cities and megalopolises running without plan left to live like rat infested holes with packs of people emerging each morning climbing over each other to make a less than basic living. Roads of a nation that are death traps as horrific as corridors of Taj and Oberoi under attack. Thousands die just as senselessly each week on Indian roads when ordinary Indians turn into maniacs on wheel. India has air that cannot be breathed and water than cannot be drunk. So which India can I embrace and be proud of.

For those who seek hope, there is plenty among Indians. For those who notice despair there is enough in India. India is a land of despair now and hope is making way for desperation. Indians do not think as a community or as a nation. We do not think of a national cause, or of tomorrow and they day after. We do not think of the decade and millennium ahead because we are all busy just surviving. We, the Indians, are fighting daily wars to earn or sustain.

We have earned very little as a nation in sixty years because we still fight each other every day to secure water, safe passage on roads, electricity, a place in the school, a basic meal twice a day, a shelter against the elements or the right to live without bribing. We have lost all these battles. India is left in the hands of dynasties that have bestowed upon themselves the right to rule, aided and abetted by rogues and imbeciles.

After Mumbai 26/11 many Indians are asking what should their government do. What should the politicians do. I ask, what should we, the Indians do. It is no longer enough to vote. It is pointless to write or speak though it is necessary that we do.

We, the Indians are calling upon many to do much. None of it will happen. I have decided not to make a wish list. I know what I will do. I will start tomorrow morning with picking a broom and cleaning a yard of main road near my house that has not been cleaned for decades. I will pick plastic bags and wrappers, bottles and garbage that I and my neighbors have been throwing for generations on that street hoping the draft of passing buses and cars will carry it away. One yard at a time, planting one sapling a time, I will start to clean India. I will feel proud of myself as an Indian and of India when we drain this swamp that is our common space, rid of the swine that has flourished in it and create a new environment where dreams can be nurtured and come true.